A Funny/Sad Story

My children have always had, um, soft dookie. This makes going #2 a not-so-clean experience. So, until kindergarten, I've always been there to help Destroy "take care of business" by doing the wiping. It helps to eliminate unnecessary messes. BUT it does not teach the child to take care of his own business which poses a problem for when the little bird has to leave the nest.

So, rewind to wednesday. Destroy comes home, tells me about his day.

D: "Travis got a bruise this long on his leg today", showing me with his hands down on his shin where this alleged bruise was.

M: "How did he get it?"

D: "Oh, he got it in the bathroom."

M: "In the bathroom? What was he doing?"

D: "Well, he slipped and fell."

M: "Was he running or something?"

D: "No, he was just walking into a stall to go to the bathroom."

M: "And he fell and got a huge bruise just from walking into the stall?"

D: "Yeah. Well, and there was water on the floor."
M: "Water? Why was there water on the floor?"

D: "Well, it was from me."

M: "Did you pee on the floor again?"

D: "No, the toilet overflowed."

M: "What? Did you put something in the toilet that you weren't supposed to?"

D: "No, I had to go poo. Then after I was done I wiped myself but then the thing ran out of toilet paper. So I had to go out and get some paper towels."

M: envisioning Destroy waddling out to get some paper towels with his pants half-way down (he has yet to develop a sense of modesty)"So you used paper towels to wipe yourself after you used up all the toilet paper? How much toilet paper did you use?"

D: "I think about 12 wipes. But it (the poo) was still there so I needed some paper towels."

M: "So then you flushed the paper towels after you used them?"

D: "Yeah, and then the water started coming up and then it overflowed onto the floor. And then Travis walked in a slipped on it and got a bruise this long on his leg." Showing me once again how long it was.

M: writhing in disgust thinking of the poor kid who had a run-in with sewer water. "Well, did you tell your teacher?"

D: "Yes. She just said that next time I should tell her that I need toilet paper and she told me not to use paper towels ever again. Oh, and she also said that I don't need 12 wipes either."

Moral of the story: Always teach your children how to wipe themselves before they head off to kindergarten. If you don't, you might be liable for other children's injuries.