I'm Blaming Bananas

See the look on his face? This is the look of constipation at it's best. Let me preface this story by saying that Destroy has a new found love of bananas. I am very happy that he has decided to include bananas on his small repertoire of foods to eat. BUT, I am blaming the fact that my son has an intense dislike of preschool on his new discovery of bananas.

Two days before preschool started Destroy asked for a banana. And then another. In my excitement for his approval of a food that does not contain high amounts of sodium, high fructose corn syrup or that doesn't come in a wrapper, I gave him a second banana. That was a mistake because he spent most of Monday night and all of Tuesday morning before school sitting on the toilet and screaming from constipation. Conveniently, I had just run out of suppositories and we didn't have any prune juice so Destroy was going to have to do this naturally. I tried counting, breathing and pushing with him but it just wasn't coming out! Man, I could totally be a midwife after this experience. Oh, except for the fact that I failed.

So, we go to school, and he is miserable, not feeling well and at this point did not want anything to do with preschool. Looking back, I shouldn't have taken him, but it was the first day and I didn't want him to miss it. So, I leave him screaming at the school, hearing him body slam the door, feeling like the worst mom. About an hour later I get a call from the office. She tells me that he's still screaming full force and that she's worried that he might break every blood vessel in his face. How comforting! I knew that they were going out to the playground soon so I told her to call me back if he didn't calm down after that. After that, he was fine.

So, this has been (is still because entering the third week of school he still cries when I leave him) quite the experience for us. Destroy has never been in as structured an environment as preschool before, except for maybe primary (which I don't count because he gets up and comes into relief society whenever he wants). He doesn't like to follow rules, he doesn't like resistance (like the teachers who won't let him do what he wants), and he doesn't like to sit still. He is an independent free-spirit and he likes to be in control. So, it's been a challenge, but I think he's getting the hang of it! Luckily the teachers are awesome and are so willing to work with us.

Anyways, here are some funny bits of conversation that we have had with Destroy about preschool:

Mom: "Destroy, you'll have so much more fun at school. Jeremy and I are going home to clean. Honestly, do you really want to clean the toilets?"
Destroy: "But I don't want to go!"
Then as we are walking up to school going against parent traffic walking the other way who had already dropped their kids off he shouts,
"But, Mom! I want to go clean toilets! I want to clean toilets!"


Mom: "So, Destroy are you pumped for preschool tomorrow?"
Destroy: "Can you come with me?"
Mom: "No, they won't let me." (And they really won't)
Destroy: "Could you grow down into a little girl and come with me?"


I thought maybe recounting my experiences at preschool when I was a little girl would help him feel better. So I told him about a time I had trouble during singing time at preschool. His reaction:
"If I was Nana, I would never have made you go."


One day when I picked him up the teacher said:
"We've had quite a day with Destroy. He just hides under the table, he's slapping kids, he's run out of the building a couple of times, locked himself in the bathroom stall, you know stuff like that. He was a real handful today." My kid? Handful? Those words don't belong in the same sentence!


Mom: "Destroy, your teacher told me that you were hitting kids today."
Destroy: "Yeah, I wanted you to call the school."
Mom: "So why were you hitting?"
Destroy: "Because I wanted the school to call you."
Mom: "Ah."


After starting preschool, he hasn't wanted to go to sunbeams either. Last week I told him he could either go to sunbeams and have fun or come to my boring class, not talk, not play with toys, sit on my lap and not move.
Destroy: "I want to be boring".

Yesterday:
Destroy: "Mom, do I have preschool today?"
Mom: "No, not until next week."
Destroy: "But, Mom! I want to go to preschool!"
Mom: "Buddy, I think you're confused."

Some good has come of this, though! He has learned how to write his name already, sing the hokey pokey, and demonstrate words that rhyme. And he even knows how to spill his entire juicebox in his lunch bag and not tell anyone! And of course Search and I get 4 hours, Destroy free, three times a week to ourselves. Those four hours go really fast when your worried sick and Search can't figure out what to do when Destroy isn't there so he follows you around like a dog. In those four hours two things are always within reach. My phone and my son whose only playmate has gone off to school.